i wish you had never started anything, i wish that i never met you, i wish that when i came home from thanksgiving you didn't miss me and that you hadn't shown it, i wish that you never told me you couldn't get enough, i wish that i didn't try so hard to make you like me, i wish you had never lied to me, i wish you hadn't told me that you wanted to start back up again, i wish it never started at all, i wish you would give me some real answers, i wish i had closure, i wish that you didn't make me so upset, i wish that i didn't give a fuck, i wish you hadn't made me wanna cry, i wish i didn't wait up for you all night to call two nights in a row, i wish i didn't really think you were going to call, i wish you had called, i wish i didn't need to write this down, i wish i didn't care what you thought, i wish that i didn't feel like a terrible person, i wish i was ok, i wish you had been an asshole from the beginning, i wish i didn't like you or maybe love you, i wish you had picked me, i wish i didn't lie to myself, i wish i understood what happened...
i really, really wish i understood what happened

im feeling so many emotions right now and i want to get rid of my sadness and my anger but i dont know what to do, i feel like getting completelyyyyyy trashed but not doing that obviosuly since im sitting her, i feel like a slut, i feel like an idiot, i feel confused, i feel pissed, and most of all i feel sooo disappointed. i hate getting my stupid hopes up so much! now im soo sad.... how many times can this possibly happen to me?! this is like the 3rd time a guy has made me so upset and i cant get rid of these feelings, i need to make myself feel better i thought this might help a little bit, but its not, so i guess.... idk 

mindsay kinda stinks, b/c i dont like write my deepest darkest feelings in here b/c ya know other people will read them lol, so i kinda feel that since that there isnt really a point to write in here, and also my lifes pretty uneventful, and how long can i possible think of useless shit to write in here lol, so i guess what im saying is im saying goodbye to writing in mindsay, at least for a while, love ya

so this is probably my last entry for a long while since im leaving for vacation tomorrow morning at 5, yes 5 am and tonights the fireworks and probably wont be home till late tonight. today we went to nh to buy fireworks lol good stuff. hopefully my night will rock, drama- free.
but anyways leave me messages for while im gone, id loveeeeee to come back to them, everyone have a great couple of weeks, ill see u guys soon mwaaaa!

last night was a really good night, slept over ari's w/ kimmy, went to bed at like 4 am lol fun stuff, ate junk food, took hot pics, watched movies, and talked and talked and talked lol.
today i went out with my sister as usual babysat the demon child lol and started packing.
tomorrows gonna be amazing.... lewis black here i come lol ill update and tell you how it was.